Grammar and Misleading Headlines & Titles

COUPLE SHOT DEAD FOUND BY DAUGHTERS
   I read a headline which said, Couple Found Shot Dead By Daughters. On first reading I assumed the daughters had shot dead by the daughters. But when I read the first paragraph, then went back to check the headline, it seemed that a couple who had been shot dead were later found by the daughters. To clarify this, Couple Shot Dead, Found by Daughters.
   AIRLINE BOSS ON CRASHED PLANE
  On first reading this headline I understood, or rather misunderstood, that the boss of the airline was on the crashed plane. No, he was speaking about the crashed plane. 

Marking Gestures

For competitions and dramatic speeches you may wish to note gestures.

For the presenter - lead applause by clapping
Applause - clapping your own hands; clapping a puppet's hands; clapping giant blow up pair or hands; clapping with boxing gloves

Speech Gestures blog

Whole body

dance for joy

dance in competition

clumsy learning to dance

Diving

swimming demo: breast stroke, crawl back stroke, butterfly

Floating

Tennis - hitting ball, height of racket

Golf - stance

Face

Anger - frown, astonishment - open mouth, raised eyebrows, learning head forward; curiosity head forward, watching tennis match, stiff upper lip, whisper behind hand, head on one side straining to hear, hand cupped over ear to hear, looking at watch, kicking football, catching netball, swinging golf club, doing aerobics, squatting, slumped in front of TV, cheering football team, reading letter, (see Chaplin films, mime artists such as Marcel Marceau).

Arms 

Thank you -

Please

Shrug

Pray

Mock shake hands

Make Your Message Clear - Title- Opening / Punchline

Speakers sometimes give a speech without a title. Or you have a generic term such as Teaching. Or even more person, A Teacher.
    Are you being paid? If so, give the audience what they want.
    If you are paid simply to be entertaining, a striking outfit, a uniform, a puppet or prop might entertain.
    If you are not being paid, why not? Is it because they argue that you are promoting your book? If so, you need a book display; a talk about why you wrote the book and what your book will do for them. (That could be amuse them.)
   
TITLE
   You should start with a title. That keeps you on track. Otherwise you talk around the subject. You start by saying how you became a teacher, then your fun as a teacher. You forget the purpose of your speech, to persuade people to send their children to you because you are a good teacher.
  Let's look at some kinds of speeches:

 

CLARIFY & MATCH YOUR MESSAGE & CALL TO ACTION 

     Let’s start with purpose and title. What is the purpose? Your title, opening sentence and punchline should all state and reinforce this message. Is it:

1 Give money For Publishing Your Book / a Gift Book For Your Grandchild / Toilets In Schools In Africa.

2 My name is Angela, and I want a job working with a school / charity.

3 As a teacher, I can teach you grammar, spelling, punctuation.

3 Give Money to Me / Oxfam / the NSPCCC / Volunteer Action Development.

4 GIVE TIME, GIVE HELP Africa / Harrow / Singapore / New York / this school /this club needs you - write to them /see our website and volunteer to help today.  

5 Follow your dream - you can make a difference. 

6 I CAN HELP YOU What’s your favourite charity? Project? Life dream? - I am a manager / life coach / teacher / financier and I can help you. 

JOKEY PUNCHLINE / PUN ..........  

CALL TO ACTION

My name’s Angela / whatever - ask me for my business card. 

Hecklers - how to answer amusingly

Hecklers shouting what?

1 Get off the stage. 

(Reply - how much is it worth?)

Sit down. (I am sitting down.)

 Shut up. ( ) 

Not funny.  Boring. Not again.  

(Answer: That makes two of us. )  

(Sorry about my brother/ex/husband/father.) 

(We thought he’d be OK on day release.)

2 Nonsense.    Not true. 

(So true.)  

Rubbish. 

(If you’ve got rubbish, Rubbish collection is Friday.)

3 What do you know about it? Who says! (…) 

(I said. I'll say it again.)

4 Suggestive remarks. - Nice pair of …. Sleep with you any time. 

(May I use that as a testimonial?) 

(Can I put that on my CV?) 

(Will you tell my ex?) 

(Your flies are undone. Sorry, wishful thinking.) 

(You look different with your clothes on.)

5 Disputed facts.  

(Which year was that? When did you last check the figures. On my phone it says … 

There are lies, damned lies and interruptions.

 Never let the truth stand in the way of a good story. 

The figures go up and down hourly.  )

6 Attack on credibility of speaker.

 (You must be right. You are half my age.)

7 Attack on race, religion, country. 

(What do you know about it?)

8 Irrelevant nonsense eg Anybody seen my gloves? I dropped my crisps. 

(If you get on the floor - you might find it under the seat in front.)

(Answer: Not a political party I recognise. I can give you the number of social services.) 

9 Chat up lines - hello darling.I fancy you. 

( Reply The guy sitting next to the one who shouted - give him your phone number. He seems willing, up for anything, or anyone.) 

(You buy me a drink later. Anyone else? Just the two of us then. Sorry, this is a group activity, and I don’t think. Let’s have a vote on it. How many think he’s a good person to sleep with? i’ll have to ask my mother, father, son, minder.)

10 Shouting, talking, muttering ; 

( Sorry, what’s on the shopping list? The toilets are upstairs. Mens upstairs. Ladies downstairs, Depending what you’re after. or who you’re waiting for.)

11 Rambling personal story. 

(Answer: Yes, I had a dream like that once - then I woke up. And found myself here.) 

(Can we talk about this some other time. With my psychiatrist.)

12 Drunk singing. 

(Answer. Say, she sells sea shells on the sea shore. I thought you couldn’t

.I wish I were as drunk as you are. then I wouldn’t know what you were saying. 

Give him a drink. Preferably water.) 

(Please show him the toilet. He’s going to need it. 

Please show him the gents. Before it’s too late.) 

(Who’s going to leave first - him - or the rest of us?) 

(The bar is downstairs.) 

(That drink was a mistake. The last one.) 

(Is somebody driving you home? Take him now.) 

(What time are you leaving? Good. We’re leaving five minutes after you.)

(Can you afford another drink? No, never mind, you’ve had enough by the sound of it. 

Can you afford another drink, yes? How about a round of drinks? Thank you. We’ll have twenty five beers/glasses of wine. Can you afford a round of drinks. On second thoughts save your money for a taxi home. Can you play the guitar as well as you sing? Can you dance? Can you walk a straight line. There’s one leading to the door.)

13 Personal insults: fattie, 

(Speak for yourself. 

Are you describing your dream?

Yes, more to get hold of) 

Look but don’t touch.

shortie. 

oldie …

(age before beauty, my darling. )

stupid 

Half the people here are above average weight, height/age IQ. Half are below average weight. That's what average means. How many of you knew that? More than half the people here are above average intelligence. 

14 I hate you./him

(I love you, too.

Funny he speaks well of you.)

Prepare For Interruptions To Speeches: Plan; Praise; Joke: Thank.

Here’s an amusing subject. Interruptions.

I can do a video on this. It's best done like the video on Indian head shake signals with demonstrations.

Imagine you are the interruption, or simply announce what the interruption is, and I can react.

I have a speech on the subject of interruptions.Prepare for interruptions. 

1 Biggest interruption ever: EARTHQUAKE in the middle of your speech.

Al Jolson - San Francisco (?) earthquake -   he said, “You ain’t heard nothing yet.”

I never thought it would happen to me.

When it did, I was not the speaker but in the audience.

 I was welcomed with a group of travel press journalists to Zakinthos, where the mayor and local tourism chief gave speeches on how safe their island was (meaning your luggage won’t get stolen). 

Huge bang. Greeks ran out, not thinking we would need to be told what to do. Brits, puzzled, carried on drinking beer and wine, wondering where everyone had gone, we though to investigate. Sugdenly somebody said - it’s en earthquake - quick - rum outside!" 

TM without interruptions is not real life. Manuals should cover hecklers, losing your slides because computers won’t link to venue equipment, microphones not working. At Harrovians we once did a topics session in which each topic was interrupted; 

2 Appeal for member to move a car. Chairperson/speaker deals with this. 

3 Speaker’s called to phone by building staff - mother has urgent message. Chairperson must set up backup ‘worst case scenario - missing speaker - plan.  Every committee member should have spare speech in pocket. 

4 Women wearing towels walk through room (area contest in central hallway of leisure centre - TM Alan MacMahon will recall).

5 Drunk interrupts speeches with swearing and tells us to read the bible, threatens us with dogs. (Happened to Harrovians picnic in the harrow park). SAA / president must have phone numbers of police and neighbourhood watch. Backup venue. 

6 caterers cross stage to deliver or collect drinks and deliver hot dinners  (Excalibur in pub), 

7 SAA job from back of hall. Chairman on stage should not be abandoning the speaker.

8 Constant noise from adjacent hotel/venue kitchen.

9 Have sign on door giving type of meeting, hours of meeting, whether strangers welcome or tickets needed - how to get them - for early arrivals, latecomers and other users of building.

10 Members of ballet class arrive in wrong venue too early.

11 SAA background music on tannoy, shopping centre tannoy announces Santa Claus arrival - know the building organisers and where to go for help.

12 Bouquet delivered to speaker by mistake (all based on events we’d experienced), 

13 Singers at Happy Birthday party next door (HOD at golf club). Change rooms.

Plan, Praise, Joke, and Thank.

For example, 'Thank you for that wonderful bouquet. I knew my speech was good but I didn't realise I was that good. It's addressed to the bride and groom. I wasn't planning to get married today. I think this must be for the banqueting hall. Will somebody kindly show this delivery person the way. Thank you so much, Henry. It may be some time before we see Henry or the flowers again. Where was I, before that delightful distraction. Ah yes, I was talking about planning a dinner party. Of course, you should have a flower arrangement on the table.'

Ten Problems & Solutions For Speech Writers & Presenters

The speech is perfect, written by an expert. What can go wrong?

1 The speaker storms off because the presenter has forgotten the speaker's name.
2 The speaker forgets to take the written speech.
3 The speaker/presenter reads the wrong speech.
4 The slides or video don't work.
5 The spelling and grammar are wrong.
6 The subject is too technical for the audience.
7 The speaker has too little time for the whole speech.
8 The speaker is asked to continue speaking but has no more to say.
9 The speaker can't understand the speech, nor pronounce the words.
10 The speaker doesn't know what is funny, and reads it all monotone so everybody falls asleep.

1 I saw this happen in Singapore. The sponsor of the book was embarrassed and everybody was embarrassed. Solution: The speaker should be prepared to explain who he/or she is/is not.
a) The presenter thinks you are somebody else more famous. (I am constantly mistaken for the actress Angela Lansbury. At a big conference it can happen three times a day. Or three times an hour. My planned and often repeated answers are always positive. For example, I'm not related to the actress, but she does wonderful publicity for our name.) If the introduction to the speaker, including the named and credentials, are written into the start of the speech, the words can be dropped, shortened, or included in full. The speech might include words such as : "My full name is ...... but you can call me ..... As Bill/name so kindly informed you, I  have ...."

2 The best man often forgets the speech because there are so many other things to think about, such as the ring, venue, ushers, timing.
Also the best man might keep the wedding speech in his everyday suit to rehearse it, then on the big day he changes into a special hired outfit.
a) If you rehearse the speech with the speaker, even if the text is left at home, the speaker should remember most of it. Ideally, the speech message should be clear, with the start linked to the ending, and every idea linked to the next, and a prop as a reminder of the theme.
b) Have two copies of the speech, one in the everyday outfit or briefcase, a second copy in the suit worn on the day. A third copy could be with an assistant, or on the fridge door at home so you can phone home for a reminder.
c) A copy of the speech can be placed in an email sent to your mobile phone and accessible from the internet from any terminal.

3 You might have more than one speech in your pocket. The Mayor of Harrow told members of Harrovian Speakers Club that he often had three speeches in his pocket because he would make three visits in a day, perhaps to a primary school in the morning, a secondary school in the afternoon, and to adults in the evening. He kept all three speeches in his pocket in the order in which he was giving them. After he gave the first speech, he moved the text to the back of the pocket so the next speech was on top, and so on.
Another speech mishap occurred at a UN meeting. The Portuguese speaker gave his speech and went back to his seat leaving his speech on the lectern. The Indian speaker stood up, saw the speech, and started reading it. The listeners were puzzled to hear him start to talk enthusiastically about Portugal, in the same words as the previous speaker, delighted to see so many Portuguese speakers. At first it might have sounded as if he was simply paying a courtesy to the previous speaker. But it soon became clear that he was reading the wrong speech.
Solutions:
a) Know your own speech and memorise the opening.
b) Have a colour code such as a green border round your speech. That way you will not forget it, you will not leave it behind, and nobody else will read out your speech.

4 a)  speaker, probably highly paid, stormed off stage angrily when he was supposed to be praising a product, but the visuals did not work.

b) I went to a Toastmasters meeting in Singapore where the president of the club was going to show colour slides of his exotic fish. He was disheartened when the visuals did not appear. I was embarrassed because I was the honoured supposedly expert guest supposed to evaluate him glowingly.

The solution is to always have print out posters as backup.
Have printed text to the slides as backup.
Memorise your speech and give it as if the slides are not working.
Find something funny to say in case the slides don't work.
The audience are looking forward to the slides/visual and to hearing you. As a courtesy to both the organisers and the paying public, you should keep everybody happy. Don't blame the staff. Blame the technology, or fate.

5 Spelling and grammar: I went to a presentation on grammar. (This happens at most meetings of Toastmasters International.) The slides instructing the audience on grammar were full of mistakes.
a) Do a spellcheck.
b) Ask a native speaker to check.
c) Get a second person to check. When I worked as a sub-editor at IPC, as many as 8 people would check every piece of copy before it was approved - in some cases, the sub-editor, a second sub-editor, the chief sub-editor, the features editor's assistant, the features editor, the original writer of the article, the magazine editor, the group editor in chief.

6 Experts often argue that everybody in the audience will understand the technical terms. You still need them in a glossary in the handout and on the slides. Why? Firstly, because if you mutter, people won't hear. At least if the long words are on the slide, people can read. Latecomers will also be able to read a summary. Foreign nationals may know the words but not understand your pronunciation.
Experts? The VIP may bring along a wife or student son who dare not ask for an explanation. Every company has somebody who has just joined as a junior.
Sometimes the head of the company has been transferred in from a different business because of their expertise in finance.
The technical bod who is running the computer - will he or she know when you have changed subject and need a new slide, or that the slide on the screen behind you is the previous or next subject?
What about the reporter from the local paper? Will you get the much needed publicity?
If you fall ill, or get delayed at the airport, will your VIP substitute know all the technical terms?
If you lose the slides and have to describe them to the laboratory, will they be able to find the slides easily? You tell them you have lost 20 or 30 slides on annealing. They reply 'We have twenty slides on the box which fell on the floor. My assistants are looking. All they can say is, do they have a blue border?'

7 Write two versions. In the longer one, draw a red line under the place where you can stop if running out of time.

8 I gave a speech with a great punchline. The chairman whispered to me, "The ladies in the kitchen say the tea is not yet ready. Please talk for another five minutes."
 I managed to find another anecdote. But I didn't have a second punchline. Have an extra anecdote and a second punchline, or one you can repeat.

9 Write pronunciations in brackets in another colour or typeface.

10 Mark pauses in blue. Underline or use capitals for words to emphasise. use up and down diagonals to indicate voice going up or down at the end of the sentence. Underline the last sentence so the speaker knows where to end and the audience knows when to clap.